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My Dog [12 Sep 2011|08:32pm]
I think my dog is very emotional. I've never really seen a dog that gets so upset at things. If you don't pay him tons of attention he gets upset and will pout. If the lady and I fight some he'll act confused like he doesn't know what's going on and then look at both of us in the face like "what did I do wrong?!" If we leave he gets all panicy. .. he's a strange critter. I think he's part cat and part dog. He likes to jump around like a cat.. he is finicy about his food like a cat.

.. he's a boy but he pees like a girl dog.

He's strange but he fits us I think. I'm glad to have him as our kid.
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Greetz [10 Sep 2011|01:13am]
[ mood | happy ]

I'm thankful for so many things in my life.

I'm thankful for the rains that remind me of Florida Thunderstorms
I'm thankful for the fall and beginning of winter.
I'm thankful that I didn't give up
I'm thankful for her
I'm thankful for Pat
I'm thankful for high school, you broke me down so I could rebuild stronger
I'm thankful for Middle School, acting began.. my sweet safety net
I'm thankful for my Job at Core3, I've learned so much and still feel like there's so much more coming
I'm thankful for Jacksonville and it's late night smell of burnt waffles from the papermills
I'm thankful for all the wonderful Musicians and artists in Jacksonville who took me in like I had always been around and still allow me to see their great works daily.
I'm thankful for my first car, it let me explore all Florida had to offer and taught me to be free.
I'm thankful for my first tape player I got for my birthday that opened that door to music.
I'm thankful for fantasy wrestling leagues which got me into making websites
I'm thankful for my small but powerful family, we're perfectly imperfect and I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm thankful for the night sky and my talks with God
I'm thankful for the people who drive me insane
I'm thankful for the quiet people who often go overlooked.
I'm thankful for the book series The Dark Tower by Stephen King
I'm thankful for all the joy I've had over the years
I'm thankful for all the pain I've had over the years, it made the rest worth it
I'm thankful that I'm the most whole heartedly stubborn person that ever lived.
I'm thankful that I very very rarely give up on people
I'm thankful for all the movies that I've seen in my lifetime and the rest I'll see shortly
I'm thankful for all the stories I've heard that I had the opportunity to learn from
I'm thankful for the ghost who I saw when I was young.
I'm thankful for my tattoo that I can't explain what it means in less than 15 minutes.
I'm thankful for sushi
I'm thankful for food in general
I'm thankful I overcame much of my early depression and that I had it WAY better than what kids are going through today
I'm thankful that I finally followed through with an idea
I'm thankful it took me this long to do so.
I'm thankful that I'll shortly gain all the things I've ever wanted
I'm thankful that those around me will be able to have the same things.
I'm thankful that I kept a journal to look back upon.
I'm thankful that I don't know everything
I'm thankful that I never will
I'm thankful that I will still try to.
I'm thankful for you.
I'm thankful for everyone I know, have ever met, or ever thought of meeting.
I'm thankful for everyone.
I'm thankful.
I am.


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Someone should give Ryan and I a reality show. [07 Nov 2009|09:08pm]
RyanSmithSHOW (9:09:58 PM): when I was 8 years old before puberty took hold. I thought I'd end up beside a princess bride and love was indivisible.
jiggyhat (9:10:11 PM): me too
RyanSmithSHOW (9:11:51 PM): when we spoke, no joke. I started shedding slutty girls, like snakeskin. My collection aquired through shallow misdirection.
jiggyhat (9:12:26 PM): are you typing lyrics or did I just never really pay attention to how lyrically you speak?
RyanSmithSHOW (9:12:55 PM): and as I drive tonight, the chicago sky daring me to try. I feel alive tonight, the possibility that I'm your guy.
jiggyhat (9:13:20 PM): shut up.
RyanSmithSHOW (9:13:23 PM): Though I suffer from dyslexia and mild manorexia, and my hair cannot commit to one popular genre of music.
jiggyhat (9:13:24 PM): just shut.. up.
jiggyhat (9:13:28 PM): you had me at hello
RyanSmithSHOW (9:13:31 PM): lets intercourse
jiggyhat (9:13:34 PM): ok
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The Truth [10 Sep 2009|07:54pm]
So I'm sitting here with my cats as I will be for quite some time after tonight.. thinking.

What if the whole world that surrounds me is just a game set up just for me. What if everything you think is set up and arranged in some master plan to somehow interact with me? Not a purely self centered thought.. but what if the world really is just like the plot from "The Game" starring Michael Douglas? Everything set up for some big 'pay off'? I mean the people I've met, the things I've done. What if it was all things that were put in place to lead me down some path? What if by reading this you're just playing your role is some big orchestrated falsehood? strange thought. I could go on further... but i wont yet. Don't want to tip you off... that i'm on to you all!
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headphones [31 Aug 2009|11:26pm]
It's been awhile since I had a pair of headphones for myself. Cats who love to eat cords keep you from having good things like that. So I sit here, third attempt at writing something to get this deep sadness from within out. I'm not too sure what causes it but I've been blessed because for years I could say I've been happy. Maybe it's that happiness that pushed me to complacency and the sadness is my body, well further more my being..is because we're being forced to go back to our nature... a constant moving a constant going. The insomniac burning deep into his skin the old adage 'you'll sleep when you are dead'. True. I think I grind so hard because I know deep down.. it'll all be worth it. The journey. Even if I don't end up 'anything' by any other definition. I'll have created and done so much that I'll live on forever. I spoke my thoughts with my friend Illdot today:

Greeks defined comedies and tragedies as stories where the main character either died or lived. That was the only difference. So as I was driving today I thought the sad thought.. Well we as humans all die so isn't the world one big tragedy in that respect? However at that same moment the light inside of me shown through and crushed even my own negativity with.. in all I've done, in all we all do. In the stories our children and friends tell and are telling... we'll live on. And in that sense... no one ever dies.. and in that case, this life...is one great big comedy. So I at this great turning point in my life. I will awake each day with a smile. I will awake each day... happy again... because the comedy I've been spinning since I first breathed myself into this world... is hilarious. It's absolutely historical. Some would say they are an artist. I would say I'm a creator. I create things, I create words, I create worlds... I have the power to move you both physically, emotionally, mentally, and in any other moment... I can keep you spellbound.

It's a new day of my life. I win.
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Darkness of Night [03 Jul 2009|01:15pm]
So last night I slept in an all dark apartment. The power went out.

The crazy thing is every time I get a batch of good sleep (not often) lately I've been having the same dream about me in some huge place with some Asian guy. This time I had a lucid dream type deal where I was like "man, I keep seeing you and I have no clue who you are.." and then I asked him his name and it was hard to pronounce so I asked "did you say?" and he goes "sure?" and I said "well can I call you...?" and he goes "that's fine" It was odd.

Also I'm not sure about you but often times I'll have one large dream that is almost like a gathering of scenes..where suddenly my dream will just change. He was in all of them. I'm not sure who he is but it's strange.

I also went to church twice in this dream... I haven't gone to church since Christmas of 98. The time before that was when Ninja Turtles 2 came out.
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10 Reasons why I'm a crime fighter [30 Jun 2009|08:15pm]
1. I fight crime.
Today there were some punk kids outside of the office in a Jeep. They yelled at one of my reps so I went outside pistols drawn ready to blast em to kingdom ka when suddenly something deep down said, "be stealthy". So I did. I walked past them burning their faces into my memory with my mind burning abilities and 'pretended' to go purchase a pepsi.. when had I really been shopping for myself on company time I would have clearly boughten a Mt. Dew. On my second pass I began reason #2.

2. I Can Puff Up my Chest to Look Even Stronger than I am.
On my second pass by the two chumps I puffed my chest up big and strong, this is necessary for two reasons. One, It makes me look stronger than I already am. and Two, it makes me look ultra strong like I would kill someone with my beast-like rage if I had to.

3. I Pay Attention to Details.
After passing the little punks with my chest puffed I returned to my desk where after about 20 minutes of time passes I am alerted by another employee "Two kids are trying to break into *******'s Car!!!" I quickly went and told two people where I was going and that they should take heed to my puffed up chest because a "awhoopin" was about to be placed on any and all car thieves in our parking lot. I then went to *******'s Car.. because that's the details I was given.

4. I Know How to Patrol an Area and Ask Questions.
I circled around the building a few times from where they had ran away to to turn up empty handed. Luckily I have co-workers who smoke who are outside smoking at times like these. With this luxury I was able to ask "have you seen two little twerps who look like car jackers?!" to which I got the response "uhhh..no" Once I asked again because you should always ask a good question twice for good measure. The answer changed to "wait, two kids? yes. They ran off back around that way *points back to where I came from*" I replied with "just now, or like a few minutes ago?" Which is where my next point comes into play.

5. I Will Stalk Your Stupid Car.
I then went to the red jeep they were sitting in earlier and called the non emergency police line. I gave them the plate number and told them my address. I gave them my cellphone which was about to die to call me on. I then paced back and fourth (chest puffed) with one hand in my pocket, the other I continued to fold a peice of paper which must have been about 7 or 8 times in a row. I then unfolded it and refolded the same folds for about 30 minutes until a police officer arrived.

6. I Can Make Any Story Interesting.
I explained to the cop that first of all I hadn't seen anything actually happen other than two boys sitting in a car, but the great part was, these very same boys were also car jackers and I knew it because I have reps who tell me everything. Mind you, I'll sidebar here and tell you I once was told AND I QUOTE: "Adam, There is a gun in the parking lot. Just thought you should know." After further investigation on this "Parking Lot Gun Case" as I've dubbed it just now... It was a neon toy cap gun that was half neon and half gold. I took the gun back to the reps desk and said "finder's keepers sucka.", then left it for her. With this, we can return to point 7.

7. I Have Amazing Luck When It Comes to Crime Fighting Investigations
As I am explaining the final parts of the story two teens exit the building across from us. I stop midsentance and as the cop looked up from his Hello Kitty Coloring book he asked "...tell me that's not them.." and I said "uhh.. I can't do that." He then said "well that doesn't happen too often..." I mean, how STUPID do you have to be to attempt to break into a car only to COME OUT OF HIDING when the cops arrive as if to wait in line to tell them that we STOPPED you from doing so. The cop opened the door of the jeep they had been in to find an empty baggie of rolling papers and an ignition to another car (WTF?!) He asked me if I was sure it was them and I said about 80% sure as they were still far away. I had the girl who had actually stop them come out and her first words to us both was "ughh..you guys know that's them right?!"

8. People Getting Tazored is AWESOME.
So the cop without a momments hesitation ran over to them and was like "GET ON THE GROUND YOU CRIMINAL SONS OF BEEEEEEEEACCCCHESSS!!!" they tried to run for it and shot them both with his stun gun pistol.

9. People Who have Been Tazzed Are Hilarious!
I watched them twitch for probably 5 minutes as they wet themselves while rolling around on the ground in pain.

10. I Want a Tazor!
... Enough said.

So they didn't really get tazed. (see #6) but they said basically that the girl was lying that they were just looking in the car... (for?) so the cop because he didn't have any proof really just wrote it down as a suspcious activity and it would be patroled more often. The girl who caught them though yelled just in time for the cop to close his door "NEXT TIME WE WONT CALL THE COPS WE'LL JUST SHOOT YOU ASSHOLES. HE SAID WE COULD!" the two pricks scurried inside...

What a crazy day.
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365 degrees- burning down the house [29 Jun 2009|11:52pm]
The funniest thing is "365 degrees" is more than a circle... 365 days in a year. but 365 degrees would be more than a full revolution, what a revelation?

So For the first time in 5 years I'm single. For the first time in 5 years...wow. Long time huh? I've also been craving fish. I dunno why but it seems like something is odd, I never really cared for fish but I had a nice piece of fish yesterday and it really hit the spot. I'm looking forward to life. I'm looking forward to happiness.

Lots of possibilities going on lately. One could land me in a rather great position of being lead programmer for the company I've been working for, which doesn't even have a programming department? Wow? I've been able to add little by little my knowledge and ideas to make my workplace a better one. It makes me happy to feel so accomplished. On top of that, from something I built we've been given a spot to do some amazing things. I'll keep ya posted.

Junkie's album seems to be pushing off to a great start, I hope people are starting to take notice to his geniius.

I'm about to make a music video for Illdot, Hopefully it turns out ok. I've got a little more preparation for it.

I got a raise at work. I've nearly doubled my starting wage which is good in 3 years I guess. I'm not "phat paid" but I feel i'm inching closer to what I want to receive. Another job offer came across my plate, i'm not sure if I want to leave just yet.

I'm saving my vacation time for this winter, i'm going to Colorado for a few days with Pat. It should prove to be a new adventure doing something completely different. Looking forward to it.

Vice Virtue isn't dead afterall. Pat's about to put down a large amount on t-shirts. They should turn out mega-dope.
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Fish Bots? [23 Jun 2009|12:40am]
iconiccoho: Fun fact: most straight men would rather be lesbians.
me: fact: I'm going to live in a castle!
iconiccoho: fact:who are you!!!
me: that's not really a fact, you IM'd me.
iconiccoho: um someone told me too?.
me: oh, alright then.
iconiccoho: is this kelsey?.
me: sort of
iconiccoho: huh im confused?.
me: don't be
iconiccoho: ?.
me: You seem to over punctuate when you type.
iconiccoho: wtf.bye

apparently, random screennames will IM random people at the same time, then send each other's responses to each other without knowing each other, etc. I think it's a pretty cool/unique idea. I hope it happens again.
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News You can Use [23 Jun 2009|12:02am]
I see with my eyes but only objects infront of me. I sometimes let my vision blur a bit and start making connections. Like a distant star gazer up on the rooftops of a deserted cityscape. Alone as the cool breeze is allowed to slowly whisper it's story. I listen constantly as the stars seeming so endless and so majestic.. began to slowly come into focus. I watch to see their motions.

I had this vision, they keep coming more and more lately. It's that old magic hat I used to wear. The creative gears are turning. They don't make them much like these anymore. This story is a grim one. If you wish to continue please. I welcome you.

Wide shot of a house. Everything is still. Cut to a close up of feet as they slowly walk from a car. The back of the house is being remodeled. Plastic slowly moves with the ebb and flow of the wind. it's torn away as the feet enter. Another pair follow. then another. we follow the feet as they enter a room one by one until finally finding the bedroom. stay on the feet as they all begin to become a slow shuffle as the door is slowly pulled behind them. The wind has died down. The feet leave and slowly now as if in no hurry what so ever retrace their path back to the car which slowly rumbles to a start and begins to back out.

Cut to the next morning where police have gathered. everyone is baffled as to who or what has done this awful deed. The grim feeling of horror slowly creeps over the town like an invisible fog, haunting and looming about. We follow a car that passes as the driver looks over in sadness as one of the body bags is taken out. The driver is seen looking into his rearview mirror at himself. Then at his child who is asleep in the back seat, a tear rolls down his watering eyes. Wide shot of the car as it passes a diner. People are talking and slowly all of the normal gossiping faces turn to a faint sign of life. one woman begins to speak in what only seems to be a hum at first. We cut to her as she begins.

Woman: "You know Tom said he saw James night before last stumbling to his car and getting into it with some of the guys from the pub. You think they might have something to do with it?"

The others mumble and shake their heads half agreeing half denying....

The story basically goes on like this as the grim invisible fog creeps about the city. Slowly from one random event the entire towns darkest and deep secrets are unearthed and brought to pass. Friends stop speaking, lovers stop loving, kids stop laughing and playing, everything slowly changes to a grim reality. All but one small girl. This girl seems even more life like than she had ever been. She slowly little by little begins rubbing off on her family, friends, and evenchaully the town returns to a warped version of what it once was before.

The last scene we cut to three men entering a house much like the opening scene but in slow motion as it pans down all of their faces we learn they were total strangers who picked a random house, in a random town, to do something completely horrible for no clear reason at all. As they are entering the house, we zoom slowly to a little girl, who had awoken from a nightmare to find herself watching a real nightmare unfold. It was the night where she would awake to see something so violent and unexplainable that she had no choice but to come to the conclusion that life was truly worth living to the fullest as truly anything could happen at any given moment for better or for worse. As we get closer we realize it is the same girl who was the only happen citizen for the entire story.

It's not the best story, but this all came to me in a flash as I was driving. This is just one of many, some scary, some dramatic, some hilarious, some dull, stories... so many stories that I have no experience to really draw from or explain. It's the return of the creativity of my past. I wouldn't be surprised if I began to see them again... Hello Tall Man.
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If he aint shook I'mma shake em [13 Jun 2009|12:32am]
So it's slowly happening. The movie is rolling and slowly building momentum. I mentally re-wrote the begining because there were some logic issues.

It starts like all good stories do, with a blood oath. Four friends make a bond to one another to always be there for each other. This also helps fuel the conflicts later in the story. After that a female part (the only reason Melissa said it was an 8 was because it was missing a female) comes into the picture, a girl friend who gets into some trouble which is the reason why our fab four are after the cash in the first place.

I can't wait to hear what some of my friends can cook up with the music for the film. I think there are a lot of people that are suddenly offering up things to help make this movie a success. My employer said I can use their office to film a few scenes. I've got a warehouse at my disposal now too. I've got a barn. I've got tons of people who just want to help. It feels good. I can't wait to see it done but it must be done right! So I'm going to let it happen. I'll probably start story boarding this weekend i'll post what I get done bit by bit.

The week went ok, I've been sleeping a whole lot...not sure why. Maybe i'm an anti-bear and sleep all summer? maybe something HUGE is on its way and my body is just preparing. I planned a date for me and the brandy on the sunday. it's a picnic. surprise!
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Reinvention. [07 Jun 2009|08:10pm]
I'm not sure if anyone even reads these things anymore. Either the case, I will be returning to post here from time to time as I try to put together yet another project. I've done a whole lot of soul searching and thinking trying to work out many things in my head and I think deep down I am to become the story teller I once felt I was. A story of four friends that is actually contained within this very journal already will soon begin production. I have begun planning out scenes, blocking, expanding dialogue, and even a little casting.

I am in the hole a bit form my finances but I believe I can pull myself out of it shortly and then obtaining a camera is the first step. I've been looking at this little beauty: Canon 3568B001 VIXIA HF S10 because I think it'll do what I need. I've also come across a great buy on a 2 Terabyte harddrive (here) that will allow me a ridiculous amount of space for editing. I've begun learning Sony Vegas 9 which I will be using for post production. It's been suggested that we come up with a few shorts to post on "Funny or Die" to test the waters. I have no issue with this but I feel that I want to get the show on the road with filming this movie.. The hardship now would be fund raising (maybe I should explore financing/investors) as well as finding people who are as sold on the idea as myself. Currently its my latest obsession that I can't stop thinking about...which is great but also scares me because this is how most of the projects I want to do turn out... I obsess... no one else gets interested as me..the project fizzles out. It's unforchunate but it continues to happen. So finding dedicated people who are willing to do all they can to make this film happen is probably the most important thing.

I have the scenes broken down, a cast list, and a checklist/wish list for the things I'll need to purchase. I need to look into how much a mic/boom will cost me.
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No wonder... [01 Jan 2008|10:27pm]
I think many people think about what they are going to change about themselves and dream about what magical things a new year may hold. Some look back on the loses they may have suffered in the passing year. Other's still basking in the dim light of their quick gains. In the end we all can't help but feel a chance to start over. I don't have to be the person I was last year anymore. On a certain day, when a certain moment passes, right before everyone's eyes... you shed your skins, right then and there feeling reborn. We all do this. We all start over.

Late at night I felt the monster I keep deep down start to cry. He's been so mad, so hurt, maimed, and damaged his whole existence... but last night, with a slight bellow.. he began to let go of some of that angst. imagine if you will a large fearsome beast. Sitting in his teeny, tiny, single sleeper hotel room deep inside my mentals... sitting on his bed, mattress compacting ever so. With no light except for the small glowing television set. The ball drops and he can't help but well up and shed several tears. Letting go, forgiving. How unlike himself he feels as he too is able to shed his skins some... The power to tear any before him in two with minimal effort.. subsides... for a night as he forgives one of the items that fueled his inner flame. At that very moment.. his phone rang.

Upon answering the call, the voice on the other line could smell his tears. Instead of beginning the conversations each sat in silence. The monster let off a slight snort as he brushed away his tears and replied to the silence with a "hello....?" the voice on the other end said softly, "happy new year old friend.' the monster's fierce smile curled a bit on its ends. "lets talk more", the voice continued. The monster nodded, knowing all too well the voice wouldn't be able to hear his nod and he finally acknowledged, "yeah, ok..." then in a reassuring moments pause the line disconnected and the owner of the voice set back in his easy chair and looked out to the moon. Sitting full and casting down a blue haze to the snow that filled the ground. Not a single footstep had damaged the blanket that now covered the earth. It was a perfect new start with not a single thing effected. The candle across the room blew out softly with a gentle winter breeze. His eyes closed as he drifted smiling off to sleep.

Many strange yet wondrous events lie ahead. Some will cause us trouble some will cause us joy. Most of all however, most will force us to live life to the fullest. This is my new year's prediction. Get ready to live people. Beginning now.
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It all starts out like this sometimes [06 Nov 2007|08:24pm]
I leave for New Jersey in less than 12 hours. To see behind the curtain.

Freshness fills my lungs. Crisp winter come again, again here not yet. Slowly you creep up the path on the other side of the wide river. I see a glimmer of your youth. Like a crow I pick it from the air and take it high. You're there and then you're gone. I feel you near but you too like that pale white fellow. I smell you. I know you. Fall faster now. I see you in strong glass attempting to climb. Look into my eyes.

Dancing drum and accompanying guitar strum I know you're off but why wont you let me come. Join you in the distant sands, we can be grouped together in the midnight sands. In my dreams, thoughts, and motions, to run along side the chilling oceans. Warming up by a smile cast over the miles, enough to emerge from distant isles. I fill you up but still you spill out. I see you nigh there is no doubt. settled then all the drippings. Drapes fall on newspaper clippings. It's time to awake. it's time to be. It's time to join the world that has been lain before me.

All my life I thought I was special. All my life, I was a dreamer. Thinking like this can be so freeing. I think I'm so smart. I'm a paradox of contradiction. I'm the worst best person alive. That's why at times I'm dead inside. but outside tears fall as I fly. Why ask why. How is now.

Here we come from out of the mud... New year and new days. Change much but in few ways. I'm marry.
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Bloglibs... [11 Apr 2007|05:54pm]
So yeah... it's almost beta'd if you are interested in trying my Bloglibs software..


go there and sign up. once it's up I'll email you (at the address you submit)

you can't login yet. you can't post yet. but you will by this weekend. enjoy.
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The Legend: Type A [06 Apr 2007|10:09am]
Hey kids.

So let me tell you a short story. This guy named "Legends" (for the site name Legends2be.com) screwed me over and caused me to go into debt and screw alot of things up for both myself and brandy because I believed someone would do as they said. I was promised money to work on a page. I started.. supposed to get the money the following week. but excuses kept coming but because he kept up with me and because I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt.. that maybe he was just the most unluckiest guy in the world.. I kept working. I stopped and gave him an ultimatium.. pay up or else. and then he just went ghost. I have a little faith in the guy working on getting the cash for me ($3500+) but I dunno.. i just mark it down as a MAJOR learning experiance.

So then there is this guy in California who is incredibly nice, and does BEAUTIFUL work. I basically do a lot of programming for him. His name is Matt. He's a DJ but also a graphic/web designer. He's the reason I got to work on Gnarls barkley's site, Danger mouse, etc all the big name people... are mainly through him. Bad news I got today though... :

"Matt was in a sever motorcycle accident on Wed. We will have more updates Monday."

Now because of my past I am like on a fence. I want to believe because on EVERYTHING I get paid promptly on my projects except there are two that are pending.. one is for $475 (that's been owed for 8 months) the reason though is we LOST a project after I had already started and he was paying me out of his part when they came back.. It was $1100+ but he already paid half. Then there is this site that we worked on for over a month or so doing a forum from scratch. I'm owed roughly $500ish... they are waiting as they are re-doing their whole site. I've been paid $2000 for my work (we we're invoicing them weekly) already so why wouldn't I get the other $500. then there is some small work we just started and having finished...

so i do have a balance I'm owed. and Legends would come up with some shyt like this. Matt's a nice guy. but as everyone else screamed at me when the legends thing was going on 'Nice doesn't pay my bills" but how horrible. am I supposed to not believe someone was in a fxcking car accident? How do you know? what do you do? I guess i'm going to wait until monday and see.

I found a site we worked on turns out he's a big part of it. he just had a kid in 05 so if he is hurt that's terrible. wow oh wow. I'm just going to pray everything is ok. knee scratches all around.

Also.. in other news i'm learning a new programming langauge called Ruby (on Rails) and basically it's the easiest thing yet.. I'm reading a book that is taught by two cartoon foxes. giving examples like this:

"Back, back, way back before speedboats, I owned a prize race horse who took a stumble on the track. She did ten front flips and crashed into a guy who was carrying a full jar of mayonnaisse. We had blood and mayonnaisse up and down the track. Needless to say, she was a disaster.

The vet took one look at her and swore she’d never walk again. Her legs were gone and the vet wouldn’t allow a legless horse to just sit around. We’d need to put her down. He swore his life and career on it, insisting we divide into two parallel lines. The people who could not refute the doctor’s claims on one side; those too stubborn to accept his infallable medical reasoning on the other. The Elf, his pet ham, and I were the only ones in that second line.

So while the others heaped up trophies and great wreaths around the horse, bidding it a fond farewell before the bullet came to take him home, the Elf and I frantically pawed the Internet for answers. We took matter into our own hands, cauterizing her leg wounds with live crawdads. It worked great! We now had a horse again. Or at least: a horse body with a crustaceous abdominal frosting."

I dunno. it should be fun. so far i'm enjoying it, still worried about Matt though, again not because of the money just he's a real cool dude.. but I was just drawing the parralell's between him and legends... saying.. how do you trust someone ...you dont really know?
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Flip out Friends! [04 Apr 2007|11:20pm]
Hey gang! i'm not dead! WOAH!?

Have you ever watched someone literally explode? Not like in a fit or raged out yelling spaz but in a KA-BOOM! peices of that persons body filling the walls of the room that you were both standing in moments before they exploded? ... i haven't, but I did see the first thing. I watched twice now a person turn like night and day. Smiles to screaming and violence. I worked with this guy once that discribed a woman he was speaking with as 'it sounds like someone put her face in a bag of wild cats' I agree. It did sound like that.

I was told I was the most easy going person, that person had ever met.

It makes me wonder if maybe that's why I sometimes make michigan people so upset? because I dont blow up and scream at people? because I just shrug and go with it? If something goes wrong or an unplanned way.. I just accept it as the way it is and go with it. I'm adaptable. "You're hot?" ok i'll make it colder. "You're mad" ok I'll make it better if I can. "Your car died?!" ok lets fix it. I guess to some people because i'm not like 'oh no!! OMG!! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?" that means I don't care. and then at the same time... maybe I DONT care... maybe it's true.. maybe I don't care why.. again I just accept it as truth and move on? Is that so bad though?

I was thinking about this and other things.. music mostly. Good artists have felt extreme pain. and I was thinking if I AM like this.. then I really dont feel pain. I don't deal with my pain.. by dealing with it immediately. so if i dont really dwell on my pain.. is it even worth singing about? lasting music... helps others deal with pain.

Iggy pop seems like a really down to earth person.

i've been doing alot of thinking but none of the stuff I'm really thinking about has ended up in this post. so this project i'm working on... "Blog Party".. if I use my posts i'm not always really using my thoughts... sometimes it's through typing that the thoughts you think work themselves out. many times I've just typed two or three entries only to delete them and end up posting something small and silly.. but the process of typing for a few minutes.. it brings out alot of thoughts and things usually work themselves out. so maybe that's how all this got started... this not really feeling pain or getting worked up over things... maybe this has helped me deal with things... without ever saying them.. conditioned me.. to put it in a quiet clicking secrecy.. never to see the light of day... or the depth of the internet's informational membraines.. and so... it continues... this whole post. some point yes.. but the real reasons that I sat down and started typing here again was because re-reading old memories ... its got me thinking. but some thoughts.. some thoughts you dont get to see. because if you look back.. I never had them.
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hello. [02 Dec 2006|02:07pm]
I am happy.

No real reason.

Just happy.

Hope all is well with anyone who still reads this.
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Things. [25 May 2006|01:49am]
This is the day i leave for florida. Me gone miss me brandy. Me gone see me mommy. Me have own radio network now.

Here are the things I will have this year:

-My own Cartoon
-My own Energy Drink
-My own T-shirt company
-My own Radio Network
-My own Music Album
-Several businesses
-Another Tour (or two)

I'm happy in and thrilled in some ways.

However others, i'm not.

But me gone do'er er witch wey me gone go'r. so mote it be.
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Mhmm. [16 May 2006|08:19am]
All I want is Hot wings and Mt Dew.

I'm making a cartoon.
I'm making an music album.
I'm starting a tshirt business.
I'm about to get paid to work for a website instead of paid just to make it.
I'm working for 2 web firms at the same time, with a third on the way.
I'm stressed like woah.
I'm broke as hell right now.
I'm still waiting on $3500-5000 to come into me.
I'm moving back to florida.
I'm the one who put me in this hole.
I really screwed up.
I have decided to stop failing.
I need to start flying again.

I still want hot wings and mt. dew.

Things I have done and am working on:

http://www.punchyourface.com/mrlshowcase/ (started but waiting on him to say 'yeah that's good keep going or the sucks stop it')
http://www.duvalcountyluv.com (full layout)
http://www.christianmodelsandactors.com (she still hasn't entered about text yet)
http://www.punchyourface.com/feelgoodmusic/ (waiting on money before I go further)
http://www.punchyourface.com/cdartwork.jpg (this is the rough cut)
http://www.punchyourface.com/portfolio/ (started my portfolio, designing for yourself is hard)

there is a whole lot more. but that's all I have linked up right now. Fun times.

Oh and I'm a finalist in the Da Vinici Code Contest. I'm one of 10,000. If I do 5 puzzles in a row faster than 10,000 other people, i win a trip to rome, paris, london, italy, and $100,000 worth of electronics and goodies. If I pull it off, awesome, but I got this no matter what:

A Codex! WOAH! It's all metal and stuff. I opened it up pretty fast (by just spinning the dials different ways) but I'm pretty sure the word that's supposed to unlock it is "grail" but if you just have IL at the end...it opens.

so yeah. go me. Hopefully I'll win, pawn the stuff and pay off my debts and maybe manage to keep the laptop.
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